40% of children in the US are born to unmarried parents. Yet father involvement has never been higher. From attending the birth to time spent on childcare and housework, father involvement has doubled since 1965.
Their emotional involvement is, moreover, intense. Between 5% and 10% of dads suffer from depression after the child is born while14% of women fall into a postpartum depression on average.
Fathers’ transition to parenthood may be slower than mothers’. While a mom struggles taking care of the newborn, a dad may believe that he is not needed as mom does everything perfectly. Instead, he expects to get more involved when the baby starts walking and talking.
However, as maternal leave lasts 10 weeks on average in the US, fatigue builds rapidly in the new mom. So, unlike 40 years ago, she will rely more on her partner for daily baby care, like changing nappies and feedings. Whether he feels prepared or not, dad finds himself far more involved in child care than his grandfather used to be.
Involvement is highest in cases where the father was present during pregnancy and parents live together.
Father involvement has a myriad of benefits for the child. Here are a few of them:
Smarter and more successful adults
Babies who often play with their dad, who is also involved in daily care activities, are more cognitively developed by the time they are six months old.
This is due to the fact they are exposed to more varied stimuli than kids with single parents. Increased stimulation comes from the fact that men and women usually have different approaches to parenting. Women focus on communication and are kinder and more nurturing, while men focus on duties, fairness, and justice. Parents’ differing behavior helps the baby’s ability to process information in different situations, improve his or her language and social skills, and brain development overall.
Specialists have also discovered that toddlers whose fathers are continuously involved also have increased problem-solving abilities and higher IQ levels.
Increased satisfaction
According to multiple studies, children with a father figure in their lives will enjoy an overall higher life satisfaction, are less inclined to suffer from depression and to feel negative feelings such as guilt, fear, frustration.
This is because they are able to better adapt to new stimuli, control their emotions and have better self-acceptance. Children start developing these abilities from early on, that is why creating a secure attachment through constant involvement, starting from infancy, is crucial.
Better language abilities and improved social skills
Fathers have a positive effect on language development. While mothers tend to explain more to kids about their surroundings and to read stories more often, fathers prefer interactive games that make toddlers use a diversified vocabulary and talk more in general.
Increased self-worth
According to research, paternal involvement starting from infancy helps children better cope with stressful or unfamiliar situations.
Children with a close father relationship are also more curious about exploring the environment.
As men are more likely to engage into active and rough play, kids develop increased self-confidence and higher ability to deal with the unknown.
Above-average academic achievements
School-age children enjoying a warm paternal relationship perform better at school, enjoy classes more and are likelier to participate in extracurricular activities.
Children raised with a constant father figure have a lower chance of dropping out of school or have poor attendance.
Now, how can you build a stronger father-child relationship in this tech era where even toddlers may prefer to play games on parents’ Ipads rather than outside in the sunshine?
Here are a few tips for bonding with babies and older children alike:
1. Be involved from early on
Taking care of a newborn or a one-year-old baby may not be what first comes to mind when thinking about father-child relationships. But bonding from birth is essential for the baby’s development as children learn the most during the first three years of life.
Changing nappies, helping mom with the 2 am and 5 am bottle, and going for a stroll in the park can be wonderful ways to get attached to the new baby, even if you don’t know from where to begin bonding.
2. Find common interests
Even if you and your son or daughter have clashing personalities, you may still enjoy quality time together if you can discover common hobbies.
While you may enjoy sports, your daughter may be into reading. But you may both like fishing, camping, or landscaping the yard.
3. Be an active listener
When a person complains about a problem, most men try to fix it. Sometimes, people, including children, just want to vent and be understood; they do not expect their interlocutor to find miracle solutions.
4. Get involved in school activities
If your son is in the basketball team, but you are as uncoordinated as it could be, the least you can do is to practice hoops in the driveway on Sunday evening.
Or, if your daughter likes singing and wants to be in the next school talent show, consider learning to play the guitar so that you can perform together.
5. Establish a balanched relationship with all that is digital
The attraction of the virtual world is irresistible for children. Scientists agree that it acts like a drug on their little brains. And it is difficult to bond with your kids when all they want to do is to play computer games.
However, parents need to acknowledge that banning all types of screens is not possible in today’s world, and perhaps not even practical. Our kids need to be digital citizens.
But that does not mean that tech should prevent them from building healthy relationships with other humans, their parents included.
What can you do to strenghten your bond with your tech kids?
Spend on screen time together rather than separately. Moreover, consider allowing the use of thought-provoking, not passive applications. For instance, for toddlers there are finger painting apps while for older kids there are digital art applications which can teach them to draw animals. You can play a game in which the winner is the one that draws faster a panda bear!
Another option is to find age-appropriate content that you can both watch occasionally on a Sunday afternoon. However, do not forget that outdoor activities are the surefire way to strenghten your father-child relationship.
6. Get outdoorsy
Outdoor activities like building a campfire, going on a night walk and stargazing, treasure hunting, bird watching, cooking out, seeing an air show, growing flowers and vegetables, all provide immense opportunities for bonding with little ones.
Moreover, a day trip to the museum or to the zoo in a neighbouring city allows you to talk on lots of topics. A change in scenery can also be refreshing for kids and adults alike.
Youngsters learn a lot from watching how their fathers behave. How dads spend their time tells children what matters to them. A healthy lifestyle with diverse outdoor activities and educational games offer excellent opportunities for building long-lasting relationships between dads and kids.
What do you and your kids love doing together? Share with us some of your tips.
