It’s a fact. Caring for an autistic child is difficult. Sometimes it seems like you are walking through a minefield. Every day, parents fear they may trigger a major meltdown.
From ignoring unwritten social rules to exhibiting repetitive behavior and communication impairments, the mind of a child with autism or autism spectrum disorder (ASD) remains a mystery to us, parents and carers.
How should we care for them so that they feel our love and support, go out of their shell from time to time and grow up into independent adults?
1. Build your inner strength
Caring for an autistic child requires a lot of inner strength. Parents and carers often forget that their ability to cope is as important as addressing the child’s needs. That is why a crucial step in caring for an autistic child is to focus on you.
Here are some practical ideas:
- Acknowledge your feelings as they are healthy and expected.
- Writing a journal or speaking about what your family is going through can help you move on.
- Joining local support groups offers the chance to talk to people going through the same experiences. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 59 children has been identified with autism spectrum disorder.
- Take the child to recreational activities for ASD children where you will have the opportunity of meeting other parents that understand what you are going through.
- Enlist help from close friends or family so that you have some free time to research on autism or just for taking a break from time to time.
- Be informed, up to date, meet ASD specialists from whom you can learn the latest developments and research in autism.
Parents know best their children, that is why they should always remember that, regardless of the advice they receive, they will instinctively feel what is helpful for their child.
2. Don’t grieve about the child they could have been
Thinking about a non-existent child would only keep you from showing your full trust to your little one and is likely to lower his self-confidence. Enjoy his daily progress and show how proud you are of him. Instead of grieving about something that does not exist, focus on family activities in which all of you can actively participate.
ASD children can also be funny and insightful, just like standardly developed children. According to a CDC survey published in 2018, in 2014, about 44% of children with ASD had average to above average intellectual abilities. Only one third were in the range of intellectual disability, with IQ less than 70.
Reading about developmental milestones in standardly developed children is of no use. Accepting that your child is unique and growing at her own pace allows you to focus on finding the best approach for raising him.
3. Focus on non-verbal communication
Communication does not have to be only verbal. Eye contact is not necessary to have a conversation. Facial expressions and hand gestures can also express an entire array of emotions. Actively observe your child and learn to read their behavior.
4. Daily routines are crucial.
Autistic children develop best when they have a structured everyday schedule. They crave for routine and consistency.
Explain to them thoroughly in advance if a disruption in their daily routines is likely to occur.
5. Don’t stress now over career opportunities
ASD is usually diagnosed in the first two to three years of life and developments are gradual. Stressing about your child’s career for 18-20 years to come is not helpful. You need to be healthy and keep your strength for the challenges yet to come.
That being said, there are numerous career opportunities for autistic adults.
Here are some ideas:
- computer nerd
- accountant
- librarian
- lab technician
- reshelving books in a library
- lawn and garden work
- restocking shelves in stores
- warehouse work (like stacking boxes)
- running photocopies at a copy shop
- data entry
- taking care of plants in an office building
These are all activities that can be performed by people with autism, depending on how impaired they are and what type of learners they are, which brings are to the next point.
6. How do autistic children learn?
Are they visual learners? Or do they learn more by hearing or by doing? Finding from early on what type of learner your child is will help you think of games you can enjoy together, teach them basic skills in a way they are more likely to remember and also pick the right job later on.
There are three types of learning styles: visual (through seeing), auditorily (through hearing) and kinesthetically (by doing). For instance, if your child is an explorer who takes a thrill from climbing your backyard dogwood tree rather than find out about nature from picture books, than most likely he is a hands-on (kinesthetic) learner.
According to Stephen Edelson, Ph.D., Executive Director of Autism Research Institute, people generally learn using two or three learning styles. But autistic children usually use just one method of learning.
If your child would rather listen to music or to other people talking than he probably learns by hearing. If he likes running around the room and does not listen to you when you are explaining things to him, it most likely means he is not good an auditory learner. For instance, if you are spelling out for him how to take a shower, he will most likely quickly forget or not even hear. But maybe he will remember if you show him how you do it (visual learning) or let him take a shower alone, under your supervision ( hands-on learning).
If he instead likes to stack boxes, open and close drawers, push buttons then he probably learns best by doing.
If he enjoys books, television and analyses objects for 10 minutes at a time, then he is most likely a visual learner.
7. What you can do to ensure your autistic child will be able to support themselves when growing up
Focus on teaching them daily living skills like brushing teeth, taking a shower, crossing the street, calling a cab or handling money. Parents need to repeat daily to their autistic children everyday things that standardly developed persons may learn instinctively, by just watching others.
Offer them practical experience that will help them as adults: involve them in doing the laundry, washing the dishes, preparing breakfast, ordering a meal at a restaurant, making a doctor’s appointment, changing the clock battery or buying a movie ticket.
Spell out loud all the steps involved in a process and explain all the nuances. For instance, taking a shower does not mean just standing in the bathtub for 5 minutes with the water pouring all over you. Having a bath is essential to remain clean, and it means doing the following: turning on the water, taking a bar of soap, washing with water and soap, getting out of the tub and getting a towel.
Basically, a child with ASD may seem distant and may not show affection. But at the same time, they may be able to hyper-focus and have remarkable, funny, bright personalities. Just think of famous people diagnosed with ASD like Bill Gates, Courtney Love, Matt Savage (who learned by himself to read piano music sheets by the age of six) and James Durbin of Americal Idol (diagnosed with both Tourette and Asperger syndromes).
